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GUIDE RESOURCE EXERICSE Is Deletion Right For You? [A 'why stay' guide for members considering leaving]

Discussion in 'Inspiration' started by Villains, Feb 28, 2018.

  1. Hey, I'm Villains. This is an opinion piece relating to members deleting their account - a pros and cons list to help members currently on the fence about keeping their accounts.

    Common reasons for deletion? Like with any other site similar to AMOR, members come and go. But deletion itself is not only going, but it's staying gone. Some of us wonder why others would go to these extreme lengths to purge their identity from the site, but it will always fall on the individual to determine their own reasons. What I can offer now are thoughts on why the reasons might be.

    Real life is the first one to pop into my head, and I can imagine some members have responsibilities and lives that take them from their writing hobby. I once had a partner who told me quite plainly, "I'm not allowed to write smut with you anymore. My girlfriend doesn't like it."

    Now, this is a no judgment zone. No one on site is here to ostracize you based on your real life commitments. Real life should always come first, and if this manner of ultimatum comes up, do what you believe is right.

    Another issue I've known myself and partners to have (though never to the extent that I considered deleting my account) is that writing takes time. My time. I don't just magic together a post, and I'm thinking none of you do either. You are required due to the nature of roleplaying to settle your mind on the task of post writing/plotting/chatting, and before you know it, you've spent an hour or two on your hobby. No shame in that. Now add multiple partners, multiple posts, multiple posts to each partner a day, and so forth- Now the hobby is taking up too much time for most of us, and some members decide then that cutting the strings would be easier than trying to curb their appetites. Sometimes, you gotta quit cold turkey.

    But this isn't just about real life reasons. This also has a great deal to do with the potential hazards and heartaches of roleplaying.

    You see, like many of you, I've written love stories with long-term partners. There's a level of trust that goes into finding someone you're willing to get close to, and even with clear boundaries in place, you have a connection to that person. They're the left to your right, the ying to your yang, and so forth. The chemistry is in the writing. It's wonderful and exciting and above all else, it's inclusive. In a 1x1, no one is left out. There is a place you fit and that fitting is nice. Believe me, I love that part.

    Now, the issue with this is that some of us invest more than others. Again, this isn't a place to preach the difference between IC and OOC interactions. It happens. Someone wants more. It's not always sexual or romantic, but it can be. Usually, it's the attention of your partner, because it's the fit. The nice feeling. The chit-chat about silly pairing ideas, the inside jokes, the friendship.

    But with all fast burning love stories, there comes a time where things mellow out and this occasionally leads to strife. Your partner finds new partners. They talk about them around you, they discuss their new ideas that you're not apart of, and they let you know how their new partner is. Sometimes, this sucks. Sometimes, this makes you feel like you've been replaced, and the best you can do is fade-to-black.

    I'm here to tell you that you don't need to worry. We've all been there. We've all felt the loss of beloved plots and characters, and sometimes, friends.

    But you'll find this is a great time to be a role player. Our community isn't secretive and scummy, hidden in dingy chat rooms and on the old ProBoards that dominated my early RP experience. We're an actual, honest-to-goodness community. Just look around AMOR and you'll see that there are roleplayers of all variety here, looking to make partner connections and friendships. You just need to look.

    And to those who are in the age-old rut of being partnerless and searching, my advice is simple.

    - Make a thread in the search area you're hoping to find a partner from.
    - Read the most recent search threads other members have listed for themselves. (The proactive searcher is often the one who garners the most partners they're compatible with.)
    - Make friends. Check out the other sections of AMOR, chat up profile comments, and enjoy being apart of the community you've joined.

    Remembering that we, as a community, want you here is key.

    Lastly, and what I find to be the most delicate of my thoughts, dating other RPers (and why the break-up isn't the end of your friendships otherwise).

    Nothing sucks worse than a break-up. It's awful. It's lingering. There is a feeling there that refuses to not be there until it has run its course on its own time.

    But add in a significant other you met as a roleplay partner, and suddenly your hobby becomes painful. You see them online, you see them doing things with other people, and you feel trapped by their existence near and around you. It's tragic.

    I even suggest a hiatus from the site, whatever site, until you're not feeling the immediate beginnings of the mourning process. You see, there is a distinct difference between mourning and grieving, and while we do both in our own ways, you must remember to keep your wits about you.

    When we grieve our losses, we allow ourselves to feel whatever we feel towards them.

    When we mourn our losses, we outwardly display these emotions, and not always in a positive light.

    If you are considering deletion because of something I've mentioned, take time to think about what all you're leaving behind. Take a week away from the site. A month. Whatever you need.

    And after you give yourself space and you're feeling better, come back and see if you really want no part of the AMOR community.

    The community will wait patiently for your return, and with heavy hearts, we'll respect your decision to delete your account. Just know that we'd love for you to stay.

    Thanks for reading.

    Villains
     
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