A woman is in a coma, and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman's vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says 'come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.' so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says, ' i think that oral sex will bring her out of her coma, it will arrouse her enough to bring her out of the coma.' so the nurse closes the cutains, and leaves the husband with his wife in the room. Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened. the husband says, 'I don't know, I think that she started choking.' www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/dirtyonelinerjokes.html These are the WORST JOKES IN HUMAN history!!!! Read at your own risk! Here are some euphemisms for male masturbation, or as I call it, fapping! (Sorry, guys! You KNOW you do it! .......... I do too. XD) http://www.dribbleglass.com/subpages/euphemisms.htm Here are some euphemisms for cunnilingus! Hmmm, what could that be? I prefer "squishing!" Guys fap. I squish! http://www.dribbleglass.com/subpages/euphemisms2.htm Here are some really horrible oral sex jokes! X'D READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! http://www.yuksrus.com/sex_oral.html I AM SORRY! I AM CRYING TEARS I AM LAUGHING SO HARD! I am high on caffeine pills and Diet Mountain Dew and Monster Energy drinks. I am seriously about to defecate into my Sanrio/Hello Kitty panties! I am crying! I am sweating like a man! Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman! Sorry, I put Absolut Citron vodka, Diet Mountain Dew, Monster Energy drinks, and Bols triple sec into the blender! I love staying up all night! I have a date tomorrow! If she (yes, she; she is a lesbian, but I prefer men) only knew what I was up to right now. What is green, slimy, and smell like pork? Kermit's fingers! What do Popeye's fingers smell like? Olive Oil! I dated a dude older than me but he was one rank beneath me. All it took was one drunken date and piss on the seat and an unflushed toilet with something in it to know he was no good. And I made sure to tell everybody that he went after on the Air Force Base too! Hell, they knew I was loose! How else the Hell am I supposed to get some action unless I advertise??? I am messed up. *L.M.A.O.!* I am still crying, I am giggling so hard! My cat is staring at me. I think she knows I am drunk. X'D "I dun poo, pee, or break wind. I'm a lady." -Ashley, my last G.F. I have NEVER dated a guy this shitbally. I shall be the first to let you know I am complicated. I am a States' Rights Democrat, but I only donate money to the Libertarians. This one was funny even though I voted for Perot twice, Nader twice, Bednarik once, Romney, then Trump. I am all over the place! The only one who gets to bitch at you for voting is yourself, so you better vote your conscience .... then NO ONE will bitch at you! XD I am STILL laughing, and it is past midnight! I am so full of it tonight! This is MY cat! I once had Maurice Bessenger's Barbeque Sauce, and I loved Krystal's (sort of like White Castle.) And my Dad knew I was seeing a girl named Crystal who was part Caribbean black and favoured that side of her. I told my Dad I loved my B-B-Q sauce and I could put it on my Krystals. He said, "Would you put it ... on Crystal?" I said, "No, I'd put chocolate on her!" He said, "PAM!" Then he said, "She IS chocolate." XD I am messed up in the head ... There is a Clemson vs. South Carolina closed shitposting group on Facebook I go to so I can shitpost bullshit on those chickenshit Lamecocks from U.$.C., and they post the funniest B.S. on the planet! I knew a colonel at the A.F. base who had this happen to him! This is an old joke a guy on AmTrak told me in the dining car back in the mid-90's whilst on my way to Chicago. What did James Tiberius Kirk leave in the bathroom on the U.S.S. Enterprise? The Captain's Log! What do toilet paper on the U.S.S. Enterprise both have in common? They circle Uranus searching for Klingons (Cling-Ons!) Hey! I knew how to wipe with only one ply! Fold it into quarters, take a circle out ... oh, wait ... too graphic? Hey! I was in wilderness survival in Arizona, so I can use leaves. That's enough bullshit from me. Shitpost today! Shitpost tonight! Shitpost tomorrow, or there will be a fight! Shitposting is coming to town!